It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a good fortune must have trouble finding a husband.
I’m a young Muslim woman of Pakistani descent. And the next few years are my “primetime” to get hitched. But there’s a huge problem I foresee:
I’m ambitious and I want to be really successful.
Wait – what? Not the problem you were expecting?
Yes – this is the reality all of us ladies face. Here’s the truth we all know too well: men are intimidated by women who are more successful, more ambitious, and earn more money than them.
It honestly scares to me think about how difficult it might be to find someone – because I have big-huge-empire-dream just wanting to come to fruition.
Do I really have to tone it down and minimize who I am just to make room for a guy?
When that fear settles in, the only thing I know how to do is avoid thinking about it. It’s not something I have control over. Or at least – I didn’t think I COULD take control over something it.
Until now – thanks to Farnoosh Tarboi – I CAN.
I’d like to introduce you to Farnoosh Tarboi. Farnoosh is a personal finance & lifestyle expert who has been dubbed “the next Suze Orman.” She’s helped millions of people manage their money on her #1 Yahoo! web series, Financially Fit.
Take the floor, ‘Noosh!
This is a guest post by Farnoosh Torabi.
4 Ways to Step Into Your Feminine
As strong, successful women, it can be challenging to let our hair down, even in our own relationships.
I spent the better part of 2 years interviewing relationship coaches and psychologists for my upcoming book, When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women. During that time, I realized just how misguided I’d been in my own dating life as I tried to find Mr. Right.
Like you, I’m someone who’s extremely passionate about my career. It was natural for me to share details of my ambition and drive on first dates. As someone who was also raised to stand on her own two feet, I felt that chivalrous acts – like letting him pay – sent the wrong signals.
Now I realize why those first dates rarely carried to a second.
It’s because I wasn’t exactly “stepping into my feminine,” and playing up the fact that, at the end of the day, I’m an alluring woman with charisma, charm and a love for things beyond just my career… and the person across the table ought to learn that. Because as a man, he’s attracted to that.
By emphasizing my femininity, I complement his masculinity.
Women sometimes equate being feminine with men to being weak. But it’s still important to claim the feminity. Men want to be men and are often worried about women turning away from that. It’s up to us to give them permission to follow their instincts.
This topic can be slightly controversial, but relationship experts tell me it’s essential for men and women to connect.
Men these days don’t know how to act around women. Couples coaches and therapists encounter men who feel insecure, or like failures because they feel like they “just can’t get it right.”
The women need to take the lead in letting them feel comfortable in treating us like ladies.
Chivalry is not dead.
There’s a way to maintain your self respect while still playing up your femininity.
Even as we throw gender roles up in the air, some of our instincts and expectations as men and women must be respected and nurtured, if for nothing else, to establish healthy and lasting relationships.
Consider these 4 simple and effective ways to play up your feminine power.
#1 Talk up your passions, not promotion.
You should be extremely proud of your professional success, but talking up your work accomplishments is not exactly the best first date material, says relationship guru Marni Battista. It can kill the potential for connecting on a personal level.
“We don’t want first date conversations to be about work. Then it’s a business meeting. You’re networking,” Battista says.
Of course, mention what you do, but steer the conversation towards a discussion about your passions and discuss specifically what it is about your career that’s meaningful to you.
When you talk about the personal part of your job, it’s a whole other conversation, says Battista. And one that’s sure to create more sparks.
Try saying this, instead: “One of the things I love about my job is I get to make an impact. I love what I do because I get to be on the forefront of change.”
Or, if asked what you do, turn it into a game at first and act coy. Start with this: “What do you think I do? Take a guess!”
No need to get down to business so fast on the first date. Leave the nitty gritty for next time, says Battista.
#2 Don’t Be Afraid of Chivalry.
His chivalrous acts (opening doors for you, offering his jacket when it’s cold outside) and letting him choose the restaurant or pick up the tab can be tough to accept when you’re an independent lady. It may seem like you’re “letting go of control,” being vulnerable and stepping backwards in time.
But these gender-driven gestures – no matter how antiquated – can benefit the relationship.
They help him feel more masculine and you, more feminine. And there’s absolutely nothing shameful about that.
In our relationships, it’s important to remember how biology and social conditioning shapes our expectations and instincts. Men generally feel the desire to be the “alpha” in order to feel attractive. Women, no matter how much money we make, still want to be “taken care of” in some capacity by their mate.
So, “step into your feminine,” as Battista coaches, and allow him to take the lead sometimes in social settings. It’s an easy way to respect each other’s instincts and grow closer.
#3 Ask for His Help…Even When You Don’t Really Need It.
As women, we’re exceptionally good at asking for help. We’re strong in that way.
In our relationships, though, we can sometimes forget to involve our partners and ask for his help.
Truth is, we can probably handle most things on our own, but when you’re in a partnership, asking for his help, even when you don’t quite need it, is another way to demonstrate respect.
As couples coach Kavita J. Patel explains, in order to feel deeply satisfied in their relationships, men want to make their women happy and provide for them in some way. So, take advantage of that!
He may not be taking care of you “financially” but what are some other ways – big and small – that he can provide? “Get vulnerable and let him in some way,” says Patel.
Together, it’s important to have this conversation and position the talk in such a way where you are clear that by him taking on these responsibilities or tasks, it’s a huge, huge help. That word has proven to be very powerful.
#4 Continue to find ways to play up your feminine.
Gender roles are very much up in the air right now. And that’s a good, progressive thing.
But it’s also good to have some comforting reminders of what you can do that’s exciting for both the woman and the man.
Take a look at how you operate on a daily basis, and have some fun finding the spots where you can play with your femininity.
For example, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m guilty of putting on sweatpants as soon as I get home. It’s to the point where my husband will jokingly say, “Sweatpants already?” But when I get dressed up to go out, he always tells me how nice I look. So, as comfortable as those sweatpants are, I could make more of an effort to bring the sexy back.
Farnoosh Torabi is the author of the forthcoming book, When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women (May 2012, Hudson Street Press). If you want to thrive in your relationship (and in your career and motherhood) as the top-earner or as a money-savvy woman, then this book has the goods you need. Pre-order your copy here and earn some amazing gifts!
Do you agree that women need to embrace their femininity and let men “take care of them”? Let me know in the comments!
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Yesterday, I had a friend exhibit what is infamously known among my people as the “MCAT panic-attack.” When you get closer to the day, it’s so easy for us humans to panic and avoid studying – or working – all together. But I have some happy news for you. You can flip the switch on your emo moods and get some more positive vibes flowing through you. The secret lies in a consistent spiritual practice each day.
It’s the Weird Thing Successful People Do in the Morning
Have you ever noticed how successful people are prone to doing weird stuff? Like singers who make weird noises to exercise their vocal chords or athletes who do weird rituals. Well, they do it because they know it’s worth it to be weird. Successful people do weird stuff to keep focused and get ahead.
We have all been given the same capacity to achieve. I mean – physically, we all have bodies that move and muscles that work, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. YET – some humans just can’t seem to get their stuff together. That’s because – WE AREN’T JUST BODIES IN TIME!
Forbes, INC. magazine, and Success magazine have all confirmed that the most successful people in the world DO have some kind of spiritual routine they turn to during their day.
Our Mind Can Be Our Greatest Strength or Biggest Weakness
There are mental farts that can really mess us up and procrastinate like the devil (yup – speaking from experience). I once had a friend describe the trajectory of my grades in school as a graph that goes up really high and then down and up really high and then down and then up and down again. Totally didn’t approve of that description – but anyways…
Since using a strong spiritual practice, my “trajectory” has improved a lot and is much more consistent now and I don’t have such big pitfalls anymore because I take of the crazy in my head.
We need to pay attention to our spiritual treatment. The worst thing that unsuccessful people do is think it’s TOO weird, that it’s a waste of time, and then they completely abandon it. Well guess what, sucks for them because this stuff’s legit.
If you want to achieve ultimate success, build a spiritual practice that you come to each day – consistently.
This is What I Do
Meditation, Visualization, Affirmations and Gratitude. Those are the ones you can pick from right now.
I use affirmations. I freakin’ LOVE them and swear by them. These also help me get visual and express gratitude at the time same – because I have affirmations that support those points. I have a list of affirmations that I read before I start work and before I sleep. Takes no more than 5 minutes. And it has changed my life completely. I have been more productive than I have ever been and don’t have anymore down days.
I also mediate through prayer. This helps me center myself and regularly remind myself of what’s truly important in my life. Sometimes, the struggles in our life can get BIG and overshadow everything. Prayer helps me shrink those problems down to a size I can deal with.
You can also do straight up visualization. Where you picture yourself in your mind’s eye achieving your goal – and doing it every day until you achieve it.
Straight up gratitude is all about taking a few minutes and naming 10 things you’re grateful for.
Here’s my suggestion to you
Take a moment right now and decide you will commit to this. Pick one of the above methods. Now, plug it in your day. This takes the same amount of time as brushing your teeth. Plug it into a consistent spot in your daily schedule and commit to it for a week. I bet it’ll be the most productive week of your life.
The most important thing to remember: This needs to be a consistent practice. You can’t do it for a week and expect it to become permanent. This needs to be a part of your life, period. You don’t bath for a week and stop for the rest of your life and expect to be clean, right? Same goes for this. To maintain positive vibes and an optimistic outlook that keeps your productive and gets your stuff done, you must have a consistent spiritual practice that you’re ready to commit to – period.
So, whether you’re taking your MCAT or launching a new course, keep your brains in order and your nerves in check with a daily spiritual practice. This is key, this is key, this is key to success!
What do you think of this approach? Got Questions? Do you have any freak-out thoughts when you think about doing this? Let me know in the comments.
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This April, one of Forbes top 10 entrepreneurial conferences of the year, the North American Professionals & Entrepreneurs Council (NAPEC) Globalization & Innovation Conference, is coming to my birth city and where I currently live, CHICAGO! And I’m so excited to attend and be surrounded by some of the biggest names in innovation!
The conference brings together +500 innovation experts and pioneers in business and finance from AROUND THE GLOBE – CEOs, angel investors, entrepreneurs, business experts, student entrepreneurs, and more – to inspire one another, collaborative, and mastermind. Can you imagine how many ideas and opportunities can be catalyzed by just showing up?!
I’m personally excited because this is a chance for me to really embrace what Chi-town has to offer, do some networking, and meet some of the coolest people on the planet.
So, here are the deets: 1-day event debuts at the Hyatt Regency in Chicago, Illinois on April 18th, 2014. And there is a bit of a discount available for anyone who registers by March 18, 2014. You can check out more of the info over here: http://www.napecchicago.com.
BTW, they’re giving away $10K!
The conference is also going to be running a business plan competition where student entrepreneurs compete for a total of $10,000 in cash and prizes. Plus, winners get a personal mentor in their field for an ENTIRE YEAR! Last year, the top 6 business plans all received investors through attending our conference, topping out at $500,000. Yup, crazy stuff happens when you put it all on the table! So, if you’re interested in registering, the deadline for the Business Plan competition is April 1, 2014.
If you’re interested in joining me, you can check out the conference and competition information and register by going to http://www.napecchicago.com.
Any events you’re excited to attend? Let me know.
There is one thing that every online business entrepreneur needs to be successful: a virtual assistant. But there’s one thing I never see virtual assistants offering and that’s a FIRST-TIMER’S PACKAGE.
Here’s the truth: most people don’t know how to work with a virtual assistant.
Hell, *I* don’t. I’m in the process of hiring and it’s freaking me out. Because I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to ask you to do first!
Maybe you’re reading this because you’re thinking about starting your online career and want to become a virtual assistant. Maybe you’re already a virtual assistant, but struggling to get clients. Either way, I want you to think about something:
Do you know what it feels like to freak out about hiring a virtual assistant?
Yes, I’m asking you to walk in your people’s shoes.
And this actually makes me want to bring up a REALLY important copywriting principle: be aware of what your potential customers are going through. A lot of well-known entrepreneurs talk about how hiring their first virtual assistant was very hard and scary.
Your job is to address their concerns AND MAKE IT EASY FOR THEM.
And that goes for every entrepreneur out there.
So, how can you break the ice with a package that isn’t hard or scary? By offering them a small and easy commitment.
If you want to know how to get clients as a virtual assistant, you MUST have a beginner’s service package – that is if you want more business, more clients and more money. Because your potential customers either have never had an experience with a VA OR they have worked with a VA before but didn’t like the experience and are hesitant to hire again.
Here’s the package (feel free to use this copy if you’re a VA):
The Starter Package (or you can call it whatever you like: First Dip / First Time / Virgins Only Package)
Scared, nervous, or worried about hiring a VA – or maybe all of the above? Don’t sweat it. Experience what it feels like to get your usual work done without lifting a finger. Test-drive my skills for 30 days and set how many hours you want me per week. You’ll have more free time than you’ll know what to do with. And yes, it’ll be all my fault.
There. Go crazy with it. Perfect for the description on your “Work with Me” page
So, here’s a game to play in the comments: Close your eyes, walk in the shoes of your potential clients/customers, and tell me the #1 thing they’re freaking out about.
Curious to know what you think it is.
I’ve come to realize that when it comes to the path we take (anywhere) in life – Curiosity is KING. If you follow it, curiosity will lead you to happiness, peace, and fulfillment.
Sometimes, you just sit there – thinking is this really what I’m supposed to be doing with my life? As an entrepreneur, I know you might’ve faced this a LOT – especially if you’ve changed your entrepreneurial path multiple times in your life (as MOST entrepreneurs do). But it’s still a pretty serious question and it needs to be answered – I mean, only IF you’re the type who wants to have a pumping passion for what you do…
There’s a good test question you can ask yourself in order to figure out if what you’re doing is STILL in alignment with who you are:
Am I still curious about this?
Curiosity is a beautiful thing. Because the truth is, what once made you curious before might not anymore. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Curiosity is that moment when you’re so intrigued by what you’ve just experienced that you NEED to delve deeper. It’s not just a want, but it’s a BURNING NEED to understand “what the hell just happened.”
Always Be Aware of Your Curiosity
If the curiosity is still there in your work, than you’re on a good path. But maybe you notice yourself getting a more intense level of curiosity when you experience something new. Follow it, hunt it down, and examine it. I’m not asking you to make a career change. I’m just asking you to get comfortable seeking the answers you already want to get. You don’t need to shut out curiosity because you think you absolutely, definitely can’t ever stray off the path you’ve chosen. Just play with it and see what happens.
The experimental period I’m taking right now (if you’ve noticed my Rock with Me page) is to really test my curiosity to see and make sure that the path I’m on is still in alignment with who I am. I’m still working – usually through referrals or through projects that interest me. But it’s hella important for me to make sure this is where I need to be. Because I think so many times, we coast through life on the path we’re on – even in the life of an entrepreneur whose mission is to challenge the status quo.
So, here’s my message to you:
Get Curious. It can lead you on a path of enlightenment, foolishness, and absolute fun. (click to tweet)
Some people say – Follow Your Bliss.
I saw – Follow Your Curiosity to Find Your Bliss.
Have you ever found yourself following your curiosity? Have YOU found your bliss that way? Was it a radical shift for you?
Let’s discuss in the comments below – all you need is to do is sign in with your Twitter or Facebook!
Here’s the thing: You can’t run a successful business if you don’t have your “back-end” organized. How do you in-take clients? How to do you organize your projects? How do you organize your timeline?
Because trust me, all the greats in the interwebs have a whole team of tools to help them drop their brilliance onto the world. How are you keeping it together?
On Monday, I asked you guys if you were having trouble getting organized and today I’m sharing what I use.
These are my favorite tools (so far):
By far my favorite, Asana is the funnest and most useful tool I know of. If you need help organizing your projects, getting them on a timeline, and putting them seamlessly on a calendar, this is your golden ticket. Plus, it’s absolutely FREE!
My favorite thing about this is that it lets you plan out a project into tasks and then schedule each task. Once you’re down, you can organize your tasks by date and easily tackle any size project over time. It’s the easiest way to reverse engineer!
2. Google Drive:
Now, I’ve had a Google business account all the way back when it was FREE. But I never understood how much easier it would be to start working IN Google Drive! I’ve recently just switched. I can easily access everything and I NEVER have to worry about losing a document. I officially moved my copywriting process with my clients to Google Drive. It’s super easy and let’s me be completely transparent!
My secret weapons are the forms in Google Drive. It’s a cinch to make an application and send it out for entries.
I use Highrise to to organize my contacts. This is especially important when I go to networking events and get a bunch of cards. I take a few minutes and pop everyones names in. And BAM I’m ready to find Chi-town peeps easily.
The best part about this is you can add tags to certain people to remind you how you can help them. For example, if I have resources for people in Chicago (like possible venues that can use or finding out how to collaborate), I can just pull them up on Highrise.
Now, I’m still in the process of fully implementing these tools, but I wanted to share what I’m doing with all of you.
So, have you used any of these to organize the back-end of your business? Did they work for you or did you find something better? What do you use to keep everything in check?
Let me know in the comments.